Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Cry For You

I have to get this off my chest before I go insane. You ruined my life before it even started. Now here I am left trying to make sense of all that has gone on. Trying to pick up the pieces of the heart that was never whole. The heart that was broken at birth. Thoughts of you bring sleepless nights. Like tonight. I become enraged. Why do I think of you? Everything about you disgusts me. To me you're nothing more than a mirage. Is that my mom? Oh wait I forgot... I never had a mom. Never will. I despise the fact that you get the benefit of hearing your children call you mom. You give the definition of a mother a whole new meaning. When God said to honor our father and mother did he know there would be mothers like you? I always wonder that. If he did know and he'd still want me to honor you I guess I'll burn in hell before that happens. How can you honor someone who was never there? Someone who abandoned their children as if you were thinking they would be fine without you. Or better off. I think back on how when I was younger and I was hurt or sad and I would actually cry for you. A cry unheard. I knew you would never hear me. I knew you would never come. Yet I still cried. I hate that I ever said that I love you too when you told me you loved me knowing I was lying every time. Guess I was trying to keep from hurting you. But why? You never cared if I was hurt by your actions. No matter how hard I try there is no escaping you. I can't get any peace. One glance in the mirror and I realize I am cursed with lifelong thought of you. Why did I have to be the one that looks just like you? It's like I'm gifted with a curse. But you know what mom? We didn't miss out on you. You missed out on us. I'm just the only one bold enough to say it. With that said the tear that hits this page tonight will be the last tear I ever cry for you.

J. Jacks!


  1. wow so sad! i hope you will fine peace one day inside and will not be hurting so much.

  2. she already found happiness..she just has to work on the forgiving part..

  3. Exactly I just need to find a way to forgive...